Nyasar di Jalan

Bahkan setelah bertahun-tahun berlalu sejak konsepnya ada dan doa sederhana itu kuucapkan, aku masih mendoakan hal yang sama: "Ajari aku untuk rendah hati dan buat aku tetap sederhana." Karena aku sadar Tuhan masih memperhatikanku dan aku masih belum bisa memenuhi doa itu. Keinginan yang muncul karena aku tahu aku masih jauh dari pribadi yang rendah hati dan sederhana. Dan Tuhan masih baik, memberiku berkali-kali kesempatan untuk berubah dalam small increments karea Dia tahu, perubahan drastis akan membuatku jatuh. Terima kasih atas semuanya, Tuhan.

Tim Ferriss said, and I quote, " Do Not Expect Work to Fill a Void That Non-Work Relationships and Activities Should". What does that tells me? Well, for one thing, I might be prioritize wrongly and for such a long time. Bad enough that I was always not able to finish a lot of things important, I even use the long-hours work to justify that I don't have adequate time to make new friends or properly bond with colleagues. No wonder sometimes I felt deeply unsatisfied with how the condition is which actually it was I who put myself in this in the first place. This is not and never good. And all those time passed without any ability to get back? Such a huge waste.

I LOVE MUSIC Have I not said it before? So imagine my surprise to find Norah Jones' album in a random CD store that I entered just to kill some time! I don't check much or inquire what would the content sounds like. As long as it's Norah Jones, I'm buying! So what I did was play the CD on my way back to Bandung, driving alone and enjoy her work. She's one of my favorite artist. And actually feel kind of sad to remember someone who I shared the same admiration with. If only she was with me on the road and listening to the CD for the first time. Us, together. I love music, and I wish I could share the feeling with you.

I must say that without music, my life wouldn't be as colorful as it is. And because I want to support local artists, however small, is by buying their music legally. That's when I turned to Omuniuum, a small independet shop for fun. I do try to visit it from time to time and buy CDs or shirts there. After some time,  I get to know the couple who own th joint. Very fun way to do things simultaneously: shopping, socialize, support local artists. Thank you, Omuniuum , may you keep business open for a very long time.

There are some decisions that you might have to make in this life, and it would need very long time for anything to formulate. Life's decisions, about things that will affect a lot of aspect in your own life, can be very frightening to make. Your mind could be paralyzed by the fear, afraid of the imagined consequences. If you could, you just let someone else do all the weighing and the decision making. Even better, that person will proceed with all the actions needed and that person -- as long as it was not you -- will bear the consequences. Oh, if only life is that easy (for some people). So here I am in a group of people who wouldn't take any decisions, but hate the condition that they are living in. Which is not a happy nor healthy condition to live in. Yet, because of the fear, these people, and to some extent, me included, will be happily let other people to make decisions for us. All because of making decision is a horrible task/responsibility. I cannot blame peop

Yeah, aku dalam masalah. Pada usia semuda ini masih juga tidak punya "tujuan hidup" dan "mau jadi apa nanti" yang sebaiknya sudah dimiliki sejak usia dini. Sekarang ini karena (masih) tidak punya, aku menjalani hidup dengan membiarkannya mengalir begitu saja seperti air. Bukan mengalir. Hanyut. Ini berbahaya. Tidak bisa dibiarkan lebih lama.

My body just feel terrible. Maybe that's because I spend my day, the whole day, by sleeping and eating and sleeping again. I avoid thinking because that would make me feel dizzy. I try not to wake too lomg because my body felt weak. I eat just that much to not making me woke up from sleep feeling hungry. Also just drink water enough not to wake up because of full bladder but in the same time not to be dehydrated. In short, sloth. Which was a very bad decision from my part because now I felt guilty of wasting such a perfect weather outside, and thinking that tomorrow I might be dead because of heart attack. I might be. The heart attack. Been such a long time since the last time I did serious workout. Now I sport a flabby stomach, very short breath, and shameful stamina. Very unhealthy and not attractive at all. Why not I change? I need to. Because if I did continue like this, it would be better if I buy a gun and kill myself instantly than to suffer slow torturous death. I&#

Ada banyak hal yang membuatku merasa terasing di sini. Salah satunya karena perbedaan nilai yang dianut. Misalkan dalam hidup sehari-hari di mana orangtua masih berperan besar dalam hidup. Bagiku, seorang dewasa ( adult ) seharusnya tak lagi hidup menumpang orangtua, makan di rumah, pakaian dicuci oleh orangtua atau asisten rumah tangga yang digaji oleh orangtuanya, masih mendapatkan uang saku rutin dari orangtuamu, dan hal lainnya yang menunjukkan bahwa kehidupanmu sebagai seorang dewasa masih di-"subsidi" oleh orangtuamu. Mungkin dengan sangat terpaksa aku akan memberikan pengecualian bagi orang yang bahkan setelah bekerja lebih dari dua belas bulan masih belum cukup penghasilannya untuk bisa keluar dari rumah orangtua. Atau setelah keluar pun masih mendapat sokongan untuk bisa hidup sehari-hari karena sebagai orang gajian, mendapatkan upah di bawah standar hidup layak sehingga tiap bantuan yang bisa diberikan akan diterima dan digunakan sebaik-baiknya. Tapi aku bicara t